Written by Amy Stoltenberg
Photos by Bibiana Aguero
Sometimes it feels like every time I log onto Facebook, my newsfeed is overrun by a plethora of links that my disillusioned peers have shared about the demise of “dating” for our generation. From Buzzfeed to the Huffington Post, it seems there is a general concern with the lack of romance in young adults today.
While, at first, it can be easy to join in with this general excitement, I’d like to challenge the idea that the demise of dating is actually worth mourning at all. The institution of dating as we know it today is a combination of confusing cues and semi-awkward small talk. Is that really the best way to get to know a potential mate, and will our generation actually be missing out on much if dating is pushed to the wayside?
I’ve only been on three real dates in my short nineteen years of life. And — newsflash to the world — I have never had a boyfriend. It’s not like I’m some hideously unattractive cat lady. I’ve experienced flings, hookups and other strange versions of the modern boy/girl relationship. I just haven’t gone on more than a handful of he-asks-me-out-to-dinner-and-pays-for-me types of events.
Part of the reason for this is my own lack of interest in having any serious connection to a man-friend. Raised in a relatively unsentimental midwestern home, I was taught that work comes first, relationships second — and only after my own wishes and goals have been realized. I, like many of my fellow millennials, dream of living a life of travel and adventure, and having some boy tagging along for the ride sounds like a bit of a drag.
Dating, which implies a deeper level of commitment (a concept I was never interested in securing romantically), just may contradict the independence that so many of us yuppies claim to cherish so dearly. And yet, often the girls that I hear talking about conquering the world are the same ones who complain about being chronically single. It doesn’t exactly line up.
Now that we’ve reviewed my slightly pathetic romantic past and established the fact that my emotional capacity is equivalent to that of a stick, lets take a second to review the history of dating itself.
In the beginning, God created courting and calling. These formative rituals had less to do with chemistry and more to do with business, logic and farm size. It wasn’t until after World War I that things started to get a little more frisky. Dancing with more than one guy in the same night became accepted, and girls who socialized with the most men were called the “Belle of the Ball.” Fast forward through the sexual revolution of the ’60s and ’70s, add social media to that mixture and that brings us to the year 2014, where the modern man or woman may be flirting with three people on Tinder and sexting a couple of others, all while sitting on the lap of their Friday hookup date.
Okay, so that might have been a pretty condensed version of the history of dating. But the point is, somehow the youth in this country transitioned from a pretty black-and-white system of rules and guidelines to this crazy thing that we have now. As a relatively socially inept human being, I admittedly feel like a blind person scaling Mount Everest when it comes to navigating the dating world, and I have a feeling that I’m not alone (please, tell me I’m not alone?).
This summer, I shall embark on a quest for the good of perplexed young adults everywhere to try and shed some light on exactly what “dating” is, if it truly is becoming obsolete and if it’s even something that’s worth saving in the first place.
The game plan: I will go on five separate dates with five separate guys. Each date will be acquired through different means. In the name of journalism, I’ll explore the world of Tinder, downtown dive bars and uptown coffee shops in the hopes of securing a rendezvous with a potential mate. Then I’ll write about it.
Together, we’ll figure out what the pros and cons of 21st century dating actually are, as I record my observations from the battlefield. Every awkward hand graze and all electric eye contact will be reported here for your critical mind to mull over as you navigate your own summer romances. For you, dear reader, I’ll even kiss and tell.
Editor’s note: In the second to last paragraph, “six separate dates with six separate guys” was changed to “five separate dates with five separate guys.” This was an error on the copy editor’s part.