By Jordan Wannemacher
Oh man y’all, the end of the season is approaching, and things are getting intense!
Leah
Corey proposed this week by tying the engagement ring to the end of a fishing reel while he and Leah were on his johnboat in some random creek. Way to keep it true to your West Virginia roots.
“Only a redneck like Corey would do something like that,” said Leah.
Yes, Leah, you are correct. Only a redneck like Corey would do that.
Is it sad that I secretly want to be proposed to one day in a johnboat with a fishing reel in a middle-of-nowhere creek? Maybe that’s the South Carolinian in me.
Kailyn
Ouch, that was one nasty text Joe sent her. He regrets kissing her, sleeping with her, dating her and having a baby with her because he “f***ing hates her.”
That whole “be independent but still bum off Joe’s parents” thing really backfired for you didn’t it, Kailyn?
Maybe Kailyn should have been a bit more decisive in her decisions instead of dragging poor Joe along on her rollercoaster of disastrously bad decisions. They’re the most destructive couple ever.
Chelsea
Ugh, she still hasn’t grown a pair. She tried to start college without finishing high school. This is obviously not very logical, but logic is something Chelsea hasn’t really caught onto is it? She decides that online P.E. is just way too difficult for her busy schedule of losing friends and family members’ support, so she’s just going to give up.
She’s upset to tell her Dad that, after all this wasted time, she’s just going to get her GED. She says she’s “tired of disappointing him.” OK, Chelsea, there’s a very easy solution for this: stop making stupid decisions! You’re upset because he’s disappointed you got pregnant, went back to Adam and that you won’t finish high school.
All of these things are completely preventable! I’m so sick of her crap. The sad part is her dad will most likely continue to put up with it and baby her.
Jenelle
I’m seriously considering a campaign to go kidnap her curly fry, Jace. He is so precious. I want my kid to look just like him one day, except with none of the other inherited traits.
Here’s an actual conversation Jenelle had with her possibly-homeless boyfriend about her starting community college:
Kiefer: “So what classes are you taking?”
Jenelle: “Math, psychology, history and an English course.”
Kiefer: “Ugh, I don’t even know what any of that means.”
Seriously? Animosity much? Or, are you just that stupid Kiefer?
His excuse is, “Well I’ve never been to college!” You don’t have to be in college to understand what math is, Kiefer. Don’t be so sour. She’s doing something with her life. Besides, it’s community college. It’s not like Jenelle is about to start her graduate thesis at Yale.
Jenelle is completely delusional if she actually thinks she’s going to get that cute little Jace to live with her. She will never be able to afford an apartment, especially with her mooching, homeless, Neanderthal boyfriend. She will never have custody of Jace for as long as her mom is alive.
You signed your soul away, Jenelle. Sorry.
I honestly cannot wait for the Corey and Leah’s white-trash wedding. I have a feeling that will be the highlight of my month. Camo theme anyone? I’m also considering pitching a reality show to MTV following Chelsea and Kailyn around as vagabonds with nowhere to live.
Just remember, kids, teen pregnancy is 100 percent preventable.