Dating: The Complexities in a Word
Written by Alexa LoSchiavo. Graphic by Linnea Sheneman.
Nearly 47% of Americans say that dating is harder today than it was 10 years ago (Brown 1). There’s probably a lot of reasons for the data in that statement. Everything has become more complex, bigger and larger than life, thanks to our phones, our plans, our dating apps. But, I also wonder if a good portion of the stress that happens with dating has to do with terribly hard to understand dating lingo?
Is the dreaded word “situationship” keeping people from feeling whatever they felt 10 years ago…?
Dating has never been something that promotes ease. It’s a very nerve-wracking thing. You’re stepping outside of your comfortable circle of friends, your comfortable routine of school, work, sleep and you’re choosing to let another person into your life. But we can all agree that dating has become a lot more complicated since we introduced terms like situationship or non-exclusivity.
Luckily for SCAD students and readers of this article alike…District is here to clear the air and give you the real meaning behind those hard to understand concepts which make it hard for you to find love. Really, that’s what we’re here for. In between writing about Punxsutawney Phil and giving you cartoons about bees, we really just want you to fall in love. Or at least know a little more about what’s out there, when you do decide to dive into the sordid dating circuit.
The first word we’re here to straighten out is “situationship.” A situationship is a romantic relationship that’s undefined and uncommitted. But really, when you hear that word come out of your mouth, it’s also a screaming bright red siren that should signal for you to run for the hills. A situationship is something that no one deserves and almost everyone ends up having at some point in their life. Relationships are complicated and labels are hard to have a conversation about, but when you refer to your relationship as a “situation,” you know that a conversation is worth having. It makes things way easier on you to breathe through a slightly hard conversation than to have to say that mouthful of a word three months later when it all collapses.
Now moving on to other conversations that have to be had: the term “non-exclusive.” This means that you’re dating a person but nothing’s official yet, and both of you are still seeing other people. It usually happens at the start of a relationship when nothing has been laid out yet, and everyone’s still weighing their options. Or it’s a label that you place on your relationship always, who knows? The main point is that your relationship doesn’t just encompass you and one other person, but the possibility of many others.
Now, what does just “dating” mean? When you say that you’re dating, what does that mean in today’s world of swiping right and left? Well, it probably means you are swiping right and left. And going on lots of dates. Dating just means that you’re meeting people and that, as of right now, nothing’s off the table, there is no exclusivity, there are no situations: there’s just meeting people.
Dating becomes dating someone when a name is attached. Once you start saying I’m dating (insert name), you’re in a relationship, where you open the door for conversation about all the labels we’ve talked about above. You’ll probably end up talking about exclusivity and whether or not you want to be “exclusive” which means that you and (insert name) are just dating each other. There’s no room for anyone else in the relationship and you are exclusively dating just the two of you. If you get to this point, mark your calendar! Because you just started your anniversary date, the day you and your partner decided to “date,” exclusively or not.
Now, I feel like I’ve covered most of the big terms that come up when you’re dating nowadays. But, just to be safe, and feel like I’ve done my due diligence in making sure you’re informed on all the terms out there, let’s go over a couple that you’ll see out on the apps. There are two phenomena that have come about as a result of online dating: ghosting and love-bombing. Ghosting is when someone stops talking to you rather suddenly. It means they don’t want to have a conversation ending things and instead resort to deleting your number or blocking you. If this happens to you, I promise, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them to begin with. The last term to end on is one I feel is most important to cover: love-bombing. This is a tricky one. It’s when someone comes on very strong in the first part of the relationship and is excessively loving in order to manipulate you later on. It’s hard to notice over text, but as relationships increasingly start online, it’s an important thing to look for, to save you the hurt later when the manipulation creeps in. Look for signs that suggest they’re putting you on a pedestal, saying things like “only this would remind me of you” or “Now, I’ll always associate that with you.” It’s priming you for easy manipulation later, so stay aware!
There’s a lot of scary terms out there, and strange ones. I also feel like it’s important to realize dating is about you. Knowing about these terms is important, but what’s more important is dating how you want to. You’re letting these people into your beautiful life and you can choose how you want to do that without fear of all these terms. Dating is a fun and awesome thing when you take all of these terms with a grain of salt and mainly focus on yourself, realizing that while the internet makes things more complicated, it also lets you meet way more cool people who may shape your life irrevocably.
Hopefully this article gives you a little peace of mind in an otherwise scary endeavor. And while you think about all these terms, I hope you take away the most important part which is that dating is not about shaping yourself for others, it’s about you. So take what resonates and leave the rest, let in the people you want to and realize it’s all your decisions. You and your now well-informed self! As you make your way into the dating world, keep in the back of your mind these descriptive terms but don’t let them stop you from having a good time. Dating is what you make it, so make it awesome, and hopefully armed with new knowledge you’ll move into the scene of dating, excited and ready.
Brown, Anna. “Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years.” Pew Research Center, Pew Research Center, 20 Aug. 2020, www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/.
