By Kenneth Rosen
If you haven’t heard about the Lady’s Brunch Burger, then you’ve been lucky enough to escape the southern food giant Paula Deen. But, maybe not, and maybe you were lucky enough to stumble upon Paula’s oddly entertaining video.
But, friends, if neither is true then let me welcome into your life the most delicious heart-attack and colon corrupting summer treat I’ve ever encountered.
I’ve read a lot this summer about ways to stay healthy and keeping a well-balanced diet … yeah, not for me. So I went out to Kroger and picked up the following:
12 glazed doughnuts (Kroger brand)
1 package of low-sodium bacon (Kroger brand)
1 package of American cheese (Kroger brand)
4 beef paddies (Kroger brand)
This is no Lady’s Brunch Burger since it’s missing the egg (which her recipe calls for), but it’s my take on a 1200 calorie burger called the Luther. Mysteries surround the origin of this beast of a burger, but there have been many like it. Some were inspired by Paula, others just decided it a good idea to mix beef with a breakfast favorite.
If you’re brave, or, well, dumb enough to try this at home, here are the directions for my version (I’m open to name suggestions): take two paddies and turn it into one by gluing it together with two slices of cheese. Fry up some bacon! Mean old bacon. Why I got low-sodium, don’t ask. Heat up two doughnuts, but not for too long: five seconds should do. Now pile all that meat onto the gooey, glazed surface of the doughnuts and voila, you’ve got breakfast and dinner!
I’m not much of a cook, let’s be honest, I can’t tell a dressing emulsifier from a Nalgene, but this quick treat is simple and tastes … well, really freaking good. It’s hard to really put to words to the taste when you’re mouth is trying to register several strong flavors at once, but the most prominent? Sugar. Mmmmmm that sugar. So while your hands get covered in the sweating glaze you’ll certainly have a delicious time licking your fingers clean between bites.
It’s summer. We only live once, and if Paula’s doing it …
