By Danielle Austin
When she isn’t partying in a room full of bad bitches, pumping swag out of her ovaries, sipping on cough syrup and slapping moms, Oakland rapper Kreayshawn is releasing her first, and hopefully last, full-length album “Somethin’ Bout Kreay.”
A lot of people have been eagerly waiting for this album to drop after hearing her overnight YouTube hit “Gucci Gucci.” Oh wait, no they haven’t — that was popular a year and a half ago.
Why did she wait so long to release a full-length album? Maybe she realized she couldn’t create something as successful as her first pop-rap song, and with good reason. “Gucci Gucci” has a catchy beat, clever lyrics and memorable verses — everything the other songs on the album don’t.
This might come as a shock considering the album’s executive producer is Jean-Baptiste, whose credits include the Black Eyed Peas, Chris Brown and Madonna. What is even more shocking is that Columbia Records would promote an album consisting of 13 tracks that anyone with GarageBand, the ability to talk and a basic understanding of the English language could compose.
Scratch that last one, if you’re Kreayshawn you can get away with repeating sounds and phrases that make little to no sense. On the chorus of “Go Hard (La.La.La)” Kreayshawn half-sings, “La la la la la la la la la la/We on the/ La la la la la la la la la la/ Do it like, do it like, do it like/ Let me see you go hard, go hard, go hard.”
Awkwardly rapping about nothing isn’t all Kreayshawn is good at — she also has a knack for being overtly offensive. “When you fall asleep I’m ’bout to cut your f***n’ d*** off … I should key your car/ But I’d rather slap your mom,” she shouts in her female-revenge anthem “Left Ey3.”
But the fun doesn’t stop there.
“The Ruler” begins with obnoxiously loud cymbals that grow even louder as Kreayshawn raps (painfully offbeat) about how much money she has. “I get so much gold, it’s drippin’ out of my mouth/ F*** your bank account, I’m in a gold house.” And in her second single “Breakfast (Syrup)” she uses food slang to describe her massive drug supply, “ ‘Bout that juice, cheese, bread – breakfast/ I got all the syrup, I got, I got all the syrup.”
Kreayshawn can have all the syrup she wants, as long as she gives listeners those two minutes back. The only thing that makes “Breakfast (Syrup)” evenremotely listenable is rapper 2 Chainz’ 30-second verse — conveniently located at the end.
Maybe if she had focused a little more on her music and a little less on upping her street cred, Kreayshawn’s album might have been just as successful as her first single. But hey, there are worse things to be than a talentless one-hit wonder.
