By Joseph Molinenlli
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s book has been on the New York Times bestseller list for two weeks now. I took to the pages of Snooki and writer Valerie Frankel’s collaboration, “A Shore Thing,” to find the answer to what we are all asking ourselves–– How?
If you’re wondering if this book is for you (and not cursing society), then this book is probably for you. “A Shore Thing” follows Giovanna “Gia” Spumanti and her cousin, Isabelle “Bella” Rizzoli, through their extremely visceral summer of freedom in Seaside Heights, N.J. If you’ve watched “Jersey Shore” you’ll notice the many parallels, and it’ll have everything you want.
There was no shortage of talk about gorilla juice-heads, tanning, workouts, laundry, sex and sharks! There was also a lot of talk of farts (“Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”) and “crispy wangs.” The book got so descriptive with bodily functions that it felt as if I was participating in a Milgram Experiment with every turn of the page.
It wasn’t all bad. There were some points that I laughed at, if nothing else because of how ridiculous it was, but it was still a push to the end. Much like if you sat down and focused all your attention to listening to house music, if you pull all your attention on this book, it was boring. Maybe it was assumed the audience wouldn’t be paying attention the whole time and take it more on feeling than substance.
Given its concentration, I wouldn’t recommend “A Shore Thing” to anyone not addicted to schadenfreude, because it dishes it out at near lethal levels. And, for fans of Jersey Shore, I hope the book doesn’t follow Snooki’s life too closely in case it gives away any secrets remaining this season.
With that, I’ll leave you with an excerpt from “A Shore Thing” that really encapsulates the spirit of it:
“Gia, listen to me, you’ll be okay. You were stung by a jellyfish…I’m sorry for what I’m about to do. But it’s the only way. / He unzipped his jeans. “What the hell are you doing?” she screamed… / The fire burned up and down her leg, spreading. She closed her eyes and nearly passed out. Then Gia felt a sprinkling of warm water on her leg, followed by instant, blessed relief. The sudden absence of agony was as big a surprise as the explosion of it. / “You peed on me! You…peed on me!”
