Written by Isabella Halteman, Graphic by Isabella Halteman
I stumbled upon Sylvia Plath’s fig tree analogy while scrolling on Tumblr in early high school. Little did I know how much the paragraph would plague me as I entered adulthood. This five-sentence paragraph is from her novel “The Bell Jar”, which centers around the young protagonist, Ester Greenwood, who struggles with depression and paranoia. It follows her as she moves to NYC for a fashion internship and then back home to Massachusetts, where her struggles blow out of control, and she ends up in a mental facility seeking help for her condition. She describes how her feelings of depression and emptiness paralyze her from doing anything she used to enjoy or should want to do at her age and path.
This book was published over 60 years ago, and the same questions and issues surrounding mental health are still incredibly present. I won‘t get into more of the novel or the plot to not spoil it or try and tackle too much. I recommend it if it sounds interesting and/or if you are unfamiliar with Plath’s work, but do be aware of the time it was written and published and the content.
The passage is well-known and strikes a chord in all young people. Taken out of the context of the rest of the novel, it describes the overwhelming pressure to make all the right moves to create a successful future and how it is impossible to do everything all at once. You must make a decision, or they will all shrivel, and you will starve. The details of color and allusions to hunger especially interest me. Just as you must choose to fill your hunger every day, you must choose to stick to the path you are going down every day. You could be directly under a ripe fruit tree and still starve, but you do not have to be.
I have had this issue my whole life where I am overwhelmed by the number of options I have in front of me. I cannot choose just one because of the fear that that choice will be wrong, and I will inevitably fail and have no chance to try again. I felt that when I was a child with too many extracurriculars. I felt it in high school choosing my electives. I felt that applying to colleges and having to choose one place to move to and study for four years would start me on my career path. I felt it when I wanted to transfer schools and change my major. I feel it every day when I try to picture what I want my life to look like five years, 10 years, 20 years from now, knowing that the choices I make today will lead me there in the future. One wrong choice and that could all crumble before me. One wrong fig plucked, and they will all shrivel, and so will I.
I feel as though I hold myself back from opportunities that could be wonderful additions to my life because I cannot take that first step. I would rather tiptoe on the sidelines, where it is safe and boring than dive headfirst into murky waters. That fear of starting something new, of failing, is holding me back from my potential. Because failure is not an end all be all. It is a lesson that can carry you to your next opportunity. That is a truth I must keep reminding myself of every day, and I implore you to join me in that direction. I have spoken to too many older people, specifically older women, who wish that they took more risks in their lives to be able to experience more. They regret so much that it is inspiring to know that there is no point where you have run out of time for anything, and second, it is a privilege that you have to go out and make them proud to see the things they wish to have done.
You are alive and breathing, you have the gift to make decisions every day to put yourself out there to create and connect and grow. Do not left the fear of these choices scare you. Trust where your drive is and do not let that fear overthrow that itch in you to make a fulfilling life for yourself. And if a choice leads you to a dead end, climb over the wall and keep walking.
Isabella Halteman is a sophomore Performing Arts major with minors in Creative Writing and Vocal Performance. She is a Copy Editor for District, editing and publishing articles on our website. She also enjoys writing poetry and creative personal essays. Outside of school, you can find her singing in her car, baking and cooking, and watching old movies.
