Seems the Rogaine’s working for Yul Brynner.
Photos courtesy of Netflix.
Last week’s column exhausted me, so I thought I’d give my psyche a boost and watch something more lighthearted: a romantic comedy, with a whopping 17 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
I have to say, my needs were met and I feel no shame.
Fran Drescher stars as Joy Miller, a beautician trying to make her way in New York. After getting herself in the front cover of the news for saving test animals from a fire at the night school she teaches in, she’s offered a job to tutor the children of Slovetzia’s dictator, Boris Pochenko (played by Timothy Dalton). Much like “The King and I” (with a smidgen of “The Sound of Music” thrown in), the stern leader’s hard shell cracks as Joy inadvertently changes the political order of Slovetzia, and love blossoms.
The first thought that came to mind was “How the hell did a classically trained Shakespearian actor – a 007 – get roped into a romantic comedy with The Nanny?” Dalton is dripping with gravitas, and Drescher’s most identifiable feature is a voice similar to a “goose with a head cold” (as stated on the film’s Rotten Tomatoes page). My first assumption was that they couldn’t possibly have chemistry together. I’m glad to say I was wrong. Dalton soaks up the kitsch like a sponge and sends it right back tenfold. He eats it up, and damn if he doesn’t look good doing it.
As you command.
No, sir. It is YOU who is cute.
Drescher, of course, is her usual snarky and uncompromising self; from the Disney-esque animated opening in which she rejects the prince entirely, to that scene where she’s trying to scare a
chicken to death. She drops one-liners one minute, and educates factory workers on the benefits of unionizing the next. Joy is constantly on her feet, charming eastern Europe, as well as yours truly, in the process.
This is by no means a serious film but there are genuine moments of tenderness. In one particular scene Joy walks past the bedroom of Yuri (Kyle Wilkerson) – the youngest of the children – and finds Boris cradling him as he sleeps, when just minutes before he was hacking 
pieces of bread like they were the necks dissidents. The sudden shift in demeanor takes Joy by surprise and the sparks start flying. Then there’s the forbidden romance between Katrina (Lisa Jakub) – the eldest daughter – and Alek, a “known agitator” locked in the dungeons of the castle. The whole young forbidden love thing may be a cheap trick to get us to sympathize, but like I said, this isn’t a serious movie so there’s room for a clichéd tryst.
And while we’re on the subject, my main concern with “The Beautician and the Beast” is that the children weren’t given nearly as much attention as they should have. Katrina gets a spotlight because of the romantic subplot, and Yuri is adorable so he eats up a good portion of screen time. But what about the other two? After Karl (Adam LaVorgna) – the eldest son – admits to Joy that he wishes to be a painter but is pressured by his father 
to be a leader, we don’t see or hear much of him again. Masha (Heather DeLoach), the younger daughter, doesn’t get much dialogue in, but starts out seemingly shy and – after a few wardrobe adjustments from Joy – ends up brimming with confidence. So why don’t we see all the work that Joy put in? We get a beginning, and a loving embrace for a goodbye at the end, but where’s the middle? The farewell between them is bittersweet and tearful, but we don’t fully buy it. The film is so focused on the romance between Joy and Boris that they completely forgot the reason she was there in first place. Even other minor characters have more presence in this movie, especially Ira Grushinsky (Ian McNiece). To be fair, Ira is immediately lovable and becomes a good friend to his employer and to Joy.
In the end, this film has heart – the “utz,” so to speak. Most of the script is comprised of one-liners and the director shoves the romance in your face and doesn’t let you look away. But when you’re having a rough day and all you’ve got going for you is a pint of ice cream and a Netflix password to cheer you up, this will do the job.
