You’re pretty AND vain? Oh, honey I’ve got bad news.
Photos courtesy of Netflix
Halloween was this past Saturday, so a horror movie for this column may be a bit late, but better late than never.
And with this movie, who’s really waiting in anticipation? Certainly not the kind people at Rotten Tomatoes who gave this baby a 12 percent rating.
Is there really such a thing as a good horror movie anymore? We’re getting hit on our heads with the “found footage” genre, and there are always at least two sub-par excorcism scripts in production every year. Did the film industry just stop creating new content after 1996? Look no further than the “Halloween” film franchise that can’t stop beating John Carpenter’s dead horse, especially with this doozy.
“Halloween: Resurrection” takes place three years after Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is placed in a psychiatric hospital after beheading a paramedic that she believed to be her brother: famed serial killer Michael
That’s one fierce cup of coffee, am I right?
Meyers (Brad Loree). A group of horny college students are selected to spend Halloween night in the Meyers home as part of a live-streaming experience hosted by Freddie Harris (played by Busta Rhymes. Yes, I’m absolutely serious). Soon enough, Michael starts to take them out one by one. It’s up to Sara (Bianca Kajlich) to survive the night with a little help from an online friend.
This is the eighth installment in the series and probably the reason why they gave up and handed the franchise to Rob Zombie for a reboot. “Resurrection” is absurd, and it’s clear from the very beginning that this movie is in no way meant to be taken seriously. For a horror movie, the cliches make total sense: horny teenagers having sex in a dusty basement and obsessing over their 15 minutes of fame isn’t unexpected. But even so, it’s just too much and really not worth it. Naturally, it follows the formula we all expect: the nerd dies, the ones with the sexual apetite get the worst punishemnt for their lack of morality and the virgin with any amount of brain cells makes it to the end. It’s a sacred guideline we hold true, but it’s about time we were surprised for once.
He’s about to get all “Mighty Ducks” on his behind and I’m loving it.
Aside from acquiring legendary actor Busta Rhymes, the director also brought Tyra Banks along for this unimpressive ride. It takes a lot for me to admit this, but those two were easily the only thing this movie had going for it. Who cares about a camera man getting pierced by his own tripod when Tyra is ignoring his death because she’s putting whipped cream on her capuccino? And I certainly know I’ll be telling my grandkids about how Busta Rhymes pulled out his inner Bruce Lee to engage in fisticuffs with our pale-faced maniac. Yes, they were all idiots, but these two idiots were a cut above the rest and I salute them. It’s hard being the shining light at the end of a tunnel of crap.
There’s really not a lot to say about a movie that doesn’t have a lot to offer, but it does serve a cathartic purpose: there are few feelings greater than watching a blatantly stupid horror movie, and yelling at the screen with your friends. If you’re ever having one of those days where you need to feel better about yourself, this really helps, but, if you want to watch a horror movie that can make you giggle and doesn’t frustrate you, “Scream” is always my first choice.
It feels like I need therapy.
