The Binge Watcher: Mansome

Photos courtesy of Netflix

It’s a new year, so I figured we’d switch it up a bit and start with a documentary about the pains of “manscaping” with a whopping 25 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s good to be back.

I… OK.

As a woman, I have my own dog in the fight regarding the social implications of what the world considers to be “feminine.” There’s a billion dollar industry behind hair, nails, lashes and other forms of keratin we’ve probably not been told about yet. Naturally, there is another side to this story: the male struggle. Fellas suffer from the implications of what the world understands is “masculine;” and while the products sold to men are the essentially same, they need a gritty name to make sure we know they’re for men. We get costly pink packaging, and they get cammo. Let’s face it, nobody’s having a good time.

Jason Bateman, Will Arnett and director Morgan Spurlock (“Supersize Me”) teamed up to ask what it really means to be a man. While Bateman and Arnett treat themselves to a bro’s spa day. “Mansome” examines different forms of the masculine spectrum while interviewing a variety of people who live in its many facets. Among them, we can examine the strenuous life of a competitive Beardsman, a metrosexual obsessed with perfection, a middle-eastern professional wrestler who has to shave everything but the kitchen sink and a stylist way too good at making custom wigs. The film also includes anthropological experts and celebrity interviews.

I see they don’t allow bees in this spa.

This documentary is certainly informative, if not occasionally entertaining and funny. Most of the interviewees seem like fairly decent people to have a beer with and talk about what products they use. My only problem is that Bateman and Arnett’s bro day could have easily been cut from the reel altogether, and injected into an episode of “Arrested Development.” It took me out of whatever topic was being discussed, and I ended up being disappointed that Lucille Bluth didn’t come with a glass of wine to remind her boys how much of a disappointment they are. Maybe if we’d seen them conducting the interviews, their presence as producers would not have been so unnecessary. While I don’t mind watching their pain Olympics during a couple’s massage, they made it too much about themselves for me to be invested their discussion about the essence of manliness.

Scruffy men everywhere grunted in agreement.

As expected, what some of the men say on camera about the concept of manscaping and personal grooming are pretty negative. Comedian Adam Carolla is, by far, the worst of them all as he spouts entirely sincere insults towards men who like having a smooth back. Zach Galifianikis, thankfully, was his foil in his usual satirical way in a hyper masculine character. Paul Rudd was adorable, jabbing at Aqua Velva’s vague name. John Waters, famous for his pencil-thin mustache, gladly embraced his inner pervert. Every celebrity was simply being himself. No big epiphanies offered from any of them. Although it was all fairly unnecessary, it was just nice to know they were there.

No comment necessary.

While most of the subjects that were followed were humble and friendly enough to keep the viewer at ease, there was one that stood out among the rest in a very uncomfortable and hairy way. That man was Jack Passion, a highly competitive member of Beard Team USA and potential ZZ Top understudy. As John Waters elegantly put it, “he’s a slave to his beard.” The man eats, sleeps, writes, fights, competes and propagates the massive inhabitant on his face with a smug narcissism that just doesn’t sit right with you.

So was any knowledge gained on what exactly defines a man in terms of aesthetics? Yes and no. We just know what we’ve always known: each person is different and has their own ideal of physical perfection. The anthropologists and experts coughed up a few solid thoughts, though.

To wrap this up, I’d give “Mansome” a solid meh. If you’ve got 84 minutes and have absolutely nothing else to watch,