By Deanne Revel
“Hey, baby! What’s yo sign?” I assumed that my parents and the disco generation meant this question in a whimsical way. It was just an icebreaker to use on the dance floor. Like the iconic, golden Scorpio medallion, this question was a silly accessory to a great evening with the opposite sex. But, now, this question is the foundation to a personal credo for an alarming amount of people.
I’ve seen a girl list her iGoogle horoscope as her religious views on Facebook. She may be kidding, but how many are not?
Meet The Zodiac Dater: production design major by day and astrology enthusiast by night. Before moving back to Atlanta this quarter, Zodiac Dater stole a book from Jen Library. This was no beach read. He now proudly pockets the Holy Grail of astrology. He knows the male and female personality types and characteristics (Yes, they can differ.) for each zodiac sign. He knows compatibility for every sign. As in, he knows the best and worst matches for males and females. Zodiac Dater can also predict how relationships will begin, maintain, and end for every zodiac combination.
After finals last quarter, I sat down with him and he shared some of his stolen enlightenment.
Apparently, I am at the cut off (or in limbo) between a Leo and a Virgo. After listening to the descriptions of both (and were they surprisingly accurate!) I decided I was a combination of the best Leo and the worst Virgo qualities: I’m all about love, but I’m damn picky. Maybe Zodiac Dater is on to something. He assesses anyone based on constellations. It’s like an intense screening process. It’s eerie, but I certainly don’t want to be left out.
Zodiac Dater asked me about the messiest breakup I have had. My messiest breakup to date happened with an Aquarius. Whether I’m reading from my Leo or Virgo perspective, my love compatibility with Aquarius is zero. This, Zodiac Dater said, is why the breakup was inevitably messy. Had I been dating a Taurus or a Cancer, the breakup (which he said was bound to happen because there is no love connection with either sign) would have been more relaxed. Who plans for relaxing breakups?
Suddenly, I understood a rhythm in his questions. It was like a ticker. He knew my personality, so, he knew appropriate conversational questions to ask me. I could see him mentally check characteristics off as he asked. Perfectionist, nit-picky, hyper-observant. Check, check, check. I felt like we were in a secret society. Like we were Romans trying to tell each other we were Christians. Should I draw a fish in the sand?
I recently spoke with Andrew Melzer, a Taurus, who claims that the only people who buy into astrology (romantically!) are people with cool sounding zodiac signs. Melzer considers his Taurus destiny too flat to follow. If your description is lame or suggests that you might not be the most dynamic person, chances are you will be reluctant to take your sign’s advice.
That’s when the novelty wore off. Zodiac dating is predetermined dating.
I want my free will back.
