University of Florida prepares for zombie attack
By Amy Condon
The typical contents of a hurricane kit⎯flashlight, batteries, canned foods, matches, candles and bottled water⎯won’t help much if flesh-eating zombies are on the loose.
Long- and short-range firearms, chainsaws, baseball bats and explosives are more on the order, according to a University of Florida disaster preparedness plan.
Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise #5 (DR5), which was posted on the university’s e-Learning Support Services Web site alongside other plans for hurricanes and pandemics explores what staff and students should do in case of an outbreak of “Zombie Behavior Spectrum Disorder,” or ZBSD, a broad, though not medical, profile of behavioral patterns indicative of the brain-chomping “life impaired.”
An unidentified university staff member wanted to bring some fun to what can be a dry planning exercise, explained Steve Orlando, Director of Print for the university’s News Bureau.
“He wanted to get them thinking, draw attention to disaster preparedness,” Orlando said.
Draw attention he did.
Orlando has been peppered with questions and e-mails from news outlets since a Florida television station posted the story last week. Soon, the Associated Press and TMZ.com called.
“When they called, I knew it was over the top,” Orlando said. He thinks the opening of Woody Harrelson’s “Zombieland” this past weekend might have heightened interest.
Orlando says a number of disaster preparedness professionals from around the globe have asked permission to use the mock plan because of its attention to detail and levity. While university officials thought the plan was funny, they also recognize the seriousness of preparing for natural disasters and felt the plan was not appropriate for public consumption.
As of last Thursday, UF officials had pulled the simulation exercise from its Web site, but not before the Miami Herald posted it.
In DR5, the author noted the characteristics of a zombie outbreak, including the disappearance of isolated citizens who reappear as perpetrators, and “lots of strange moaning.” The author cites George Romero’s and Danny Boyle’s “documentary” studies of zombies as corroboration.
The author attributes the brain-mapping lecture, “Science on the Screen,” by Dr. Steven C. Schlozman, Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard University, as providing specific clarification for identifying infected individuals.
Schlozman does not consider the agile, predatory creatures from movies like “28 Days Later” as zombies, because they can run, jump and change direction. However, the DR5 author included their ilk among the ZBSD-afflicted because of the dangers they pose to the living. Presumably, Schlozman would also discount the undead stalkers in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video because they can dance.
The tongue-in-cheek exercise discusses the impact of a zombie outbreak on course management, school administration and even offers measurable outcomes for timely response (e.g., increased usage of the e-Learning system). An “Infected Co-Worker Dispatch Form” is included. It provides employees an official document to call for housekeeping to clean-up and stop payroll deductions for “dispatched” employees.
DR5 outlines tentative action items, including issuing “blackout curtains” and installing easily barricaded doors. These may be weak measures, though, according to a recent scientific study.
An Italian physicist recommends heading to the nearest mall in case of an outbreak. Evidently, the “random walking” models studied by Davide Cassi at the Universita de Parma indicate that the survival probability of immobile targets (the living) increases in direct relation to the complexity of and irregularity of the structures in which they hide.
Sounds like justification for an undead stimulus package.
