Your mom insults
These jokes and insults are simple, effective and hilarious. There are three simple formulas: snowclone, sexual innuendo or the nonsensical. In the snowclone approach, the speaker uses the formula of “your mother is so X she Y.” For instance: “Your mother is so nasty, I talked to her on the phone and she gave me an ear infection.” For sexual innuendo, the speaker must be aware of his or her surroundings and use intuition for the insult to work. If your friend asks, “what do you want to do?” you should reply, “your mom.” This variation on the insult is most rewarding due to its spontaneity. The nonsensical formula is the least rewarding, as the comedy is weak. “Can you help me do my taxes?” “That’s what your mom said.” See? It does not have the same punch. Some think this is a juvenile way to argue, but I assure you it’s not. It first originated in Act IV, Scene II of Shakespeare’s “Titus Andronicus” when Aaron taunts Demetrius and Chiron: “Villain, I hath done thy mother.” Shakespeare, the greatest writer in the English language, cultivated this ingenious phrase. So use it with pride and as often as possible. — TANDY VERSYP
8bitpeoples.com
8bitpeoples is a free chiptune netlabel based in New York City that offers up more than 50 free chiptune albums for download. Chiptune is a term that encompasses all music utilizing sound chips or sound aesthetics from old computer and video game systems such as the Game Boy. Many of the artists are incredibly different and original, notably Anamanaguchi, Kplecraft, Bit Shifter, and label co-founder Nullsleep (who recently played a showcase at the Telfair Museum). 8bitpeoples also puts on a yearly chiptune festival in New York called Blip Festival where chiptune artists from around the world come together to celebrate their music. While it may take some searching to find music that fits your taste, the genres the label encompasses are so varied that you are sure to find something up your alley. The Web site also offers software for sale (LSDJ) to help one get started in utilizing their Game Boy to start making tunes of their own. If you are looking for an introduction to chiptune music, 8bitpeoples is where to start. — JONATHAN WOLFE
Manager’s Special Bread Rack
Kroger, 311 E. Gwinnett St.
Bread is so damned good. Ask any joker still following the Atkins diet — they hate their lives. I’m not going to bore you with the doting imagery of bread floating around in my head. I’m not going to plaster you with redundancy by listing bread’s many facets. Instead, I’d like to introduce the Manager’s Special bread rack at Kroger. It’s a wooden, six-tiered cart that appears late in the week between the pita table and store-brand donut endcap. I go to Kroger most days out of the week. Every time that rack is waiting in the bakery section, its slightly undercooked white mountain loaves and almost-stale baguettes sitting there with their orange and yellow beacons of stickers, I — well, I buy the bread. — BRIAN SMITH
