The New Normal

Written by Smriti Reddy Pannala. Graphics by Smriti Reddy Pannala.

The situationship

Dating, what is it?

In a world where more and more people expect the hand-flex scene from Pride and Prejudice but end up settling for “I love you, but can we not label this?” situationships have become more common than ever. It’s the era of romance and commitment issues, isn’t it?

You might think, That’s not me. I would only ever date someone who’s ready to commit.

But what do you do when you like someone, but they’re afraid to be yours?

You settle for a situationship. That’s what most people are doing nowadays, so you might as well give it a shot.

That wasn’t a great decision. It wasn’t even a good one to begin with.

As time goes by and the talking stage never seems to end, you finally make the choice to ask: “What are we?”

Then comes the dreaded reply: “I’m not ready for a relationship right now, but I love you.”

Then why did you act like you wanted me?

From then on, they always deflected that question.

You talk every single day. Were they flirting, or was it just friendship? Every thought leads you back to them.

Do I love you or hate you?

Gracie Abrams was right — “Said that I was fine, I said it from the coffin” is exactly how you feel now.

All those rom-coms you watched were maybe just a fever dream.

You’re knee-deep into this relationship — friendship — situationship (ah yes, that’s the word), so you keep going, hoping, in delusion, that it turns into something more soon.

But will it?

No one’s going to stop you from walking into a burning house when the person who set it on fire was someone you loved.

You don’t stop them from acting like this — whatever this is — is a relationship, from being the person you always hoped they would be. At 16 years old, this is not something you should be experiencing.

Where is the teenage puppy love I saw in movies? Where is the enemies-to-lovers trope I read about?

Every single day, you wake up expecting a text from them saying they wanted something more — because so did you. And boom, here comes the climax. The characters realize they were anticipating the same thing and live together happily ever after.

Here’s what actually happened — you open Instagram to see their DM and it’s nothing different from the usual: “Good morning.”

You both go about your day texting (flirting), like you always have — and maybe always will.

No matter what you see, what you say, or what you want, their opinion about it affects your decisions more than it should. You let it.

That Instagram story you wanted to post — what will they think of it? Will they like it or think you’re just another dumb teenager for posting it?

Those friends you used to hang out with every day — will they still let you do it or think they aren’t good enough for you to be around?

Rom-coms were something you watched and read like clockwork every weekend but don’t anymore — because they think rom-coms are for “stupid 14-year-old girls.”

Speaking in your native language around your friends (yes, the ones you no longer hang out with) was normal before, but it isn’t anymore. They think only inarticulate people don’t use English around anyone except family.

Wow. You couldn’t spot a red flag even if it was waved in your face. You weren’t at fault — what was then construed as love is, now that you see it, toxic delusion.

Enough tears have been wasted on a person who was only ever capable of hate and lies.

You write a long — very long — message explaining yourself, even when you don’t need to. You tell them you’re breaking away — because breakups are only for those who were in a relationship.

I’m done.

They cry, make a mess, act like you were more than a pastime for them. You knew it was all a lie. Now you’re numb to all of it.

Let it play out. All you want now is to be done with this — and that’s exactly what you’re determined to do.

You did it.

It’s over.

You breathe a sigh of relief.

No more time will be wasted on people who let you go to sleep thinking you did something wrong every day.

That wasn’t the end of the world, was it?

Doing this made you sad — but it was all for the better.

Someday, somewhere, you’ll find the person who makes you feel like being a hopeless romantic was never wrong.

Until then, try not to get yourself into another situationship — even if your friends seem to enjoy being in one.