How to Deal with a Bad Professor: Art School Edition
Written by Kashvi Pallapotu. Graphic by Miha Palancha.
Find yourself stuck with a professor whose critiques make you question your entire existence? I get it, and I feel you. After a lot of conversations with burnt-out and angry students, I present to you the survival guide for dealing with art school faculty who think they’re god’s gift to creativity.
Perfect the Strategic Nod: When the Professor launches into a speech about how your use of blue “reflects anxiety”, just nod thoughtfully. Occasionally whisper, “interesting perspective, I get what you’re trying to say” while planning your escape route.
Speak Their Language: That’s not “red paint” it’s “a chromatic exploration of visceral human experience. Your still life isn’t “crooked” it “subverts traditional compositional hierarchies”. Watch them suddenly find your work “compelling”.
Drop Names They Don’t Know: Reference an obscure artist they’ve probably never heard of. “My approach was inspired by Gawx Art’s early installations”. If they look confused, just say, “He’s quite underground.”
Coffee Bribes Work: Bring them an overpriced coffee from that cafe down the street where the baristas practically judge your order. Art professors run on caffeine and the tears of students. We all know that deep down these people LOVE some good Foxy Loxy or Mirabelle’s!
Use Your Breakdowns: Having an existential crisis about your art? Leverage it. Make that your goddamn strength. I’m sure these professors love witnessing your “creative breakthrough”, which is just a good old emotional breakdown. “I’ve been questioning everything” is their favorite phrase. Thank you, Professor, I’m so glad I chose to wake up at 6 in the morning to explain this to you!
Make Terrible Art Confidently: Create something deliberately awful but present it with utmost confidence. When criticized, simply say, “I’m challenging conventional notions of quality, and breaking the barriers of the design principles”. Watch them lose it.
Remember, in the next few years, you’ll graduate, and definitely forget about Professor I-Exhibited-Once-In-1995. Until then, keep those paintbrushes and microns ready and your BS detector even readier.
