By Deanne Revel
Forget the bend-and-snap, Texas-teased porn hair or miracle bra. Disregard that strange attitude pose Ashanti’s character does against the bulletin board in “John Tucker Must Die.” Learn the Dutty Wine, and you’ll get love.
The Dutty Wine (a Rastafarian pronunciation of “dirty wind”) is a reggae dance move created by Jamaican dancer Dyema to complement Tony Matterson’s song of the same name.
This dance is so ugly, it’s erotic. Upon witnessing this move, men are so confused between horror and excitement, they become mystified. However, this usually leads to a strange, yet sincere attraction.
Parties have Couchies. Couchies are not like their anti-social cousin, Wallflower. Couchies are, usually, conventionally attractive and approachable. They can handle their liquor (unlike Trashed Kid) and can handle conversation (unlike Obnoxious Trashed Kid) just as well as party-goers who choose to stand. Couchies just don’t dance.
I’ve seen a couch girl get up during “Dutty Wine” and prove she’s the best at doing the “Dutty.” You can go from Couchie to grade “A” girl in less than three seconds if you can do the Dutty Wine successfully.
Beyonce and Tyra Banks have performed simplified variations of the move, but the original dance is extremely complex.
The foundation of the Dutty Wine is the general Butterfly. The dancer bends their knees to create about a 135 degree angle in their legs. They then flap their legs together vigorously.
As the music progresses, the dancer adds pelvic and chest rotations to the continuous Butterfly. (Pretend you are twirling two hula-hoops: one with your pelvic bone and one with your chest. The two hula-hoops are twirling at the same speed, but in opposite directions.)
The final addition takes place as the music hastens. Legs flapping, pelvis and chest rotating, the Dutty-Winer leans forward with a bent neck and hunched shoulders (think Quasimodo), and whips their head around in a full circle. The head-whips repeat dangerously fast as the song speeds up. The goal is to get in as many head-whips as possible.
The advanced Dutty Wine adds a hop and a turn between head-whips, creating a box formation. Another varsity variation includes adding the splits while still rotating pelvis, chest, neck and head. These variations should not be attempted by novices, as there are some serious health risks when performing the Dutty Wine.
Some safety tips and caution: it is rumored that performing the Dutty Wine killed a girl.
Dutty-Winers can snap their necks and paralyze themselves from attempting the Dutty Wine. If you are a novice Dutty-Winer, do not whip your head too soon or too fast. There are videos online of Dutty Wine disasters. I recommend watching these and noting the dancers’ mistakes.
Despite the risk, I encourage the Dutty Wine: it’s hot. You’ll look hot doing it and you’ll get hot people doing it.
Beauty is more than pain these days; it’s potential paralysis.
Editor’s note: Due to the health risks involved with performing the aforementioned dance, District does not advise performing it, and advises those choosing to perform it to exercise extreme caution.
